


My Elegies Eulogize Me

by theheartofm



Category: Alexa & Katie (TV)
Genre: Cancer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Good times, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, bad times
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-24 08:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30069258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theheartofm/pseuds/theheartofm
Summary: “Yeah, I totally stayed zen when Dr. Breitweiser called and left a message for Alexa who still hasn’t called him back!” Lori shouted into the living room towards the two girls dressed in their green graduation caps and gowns. Katie’s smile dropped almost instantly as it felt like someone had injected ice water into her veins. Alexa sighed and stomped her heel, internally cursing her mother for ruining the nice moment.“My mom’s been so weird. My dad’s also weird, but like, a weirder weird,” Alexa started, eager to switch the topic away from Dr. Breitweiser. “They’re definitely gonna embarrass me at graduation.” Alexa slapped her hands to her sides as she stared at the wall with a blank look on her face.“Why did Dr. Breitwieser call you?” Katie asked, her brow furrowing as she looked her best friend in the eyes. Katie knew if he was calling randomly and left a message, something important had to have transpired.Alexa doesn't answer, doesn't want to call back, and almost doesn't until a startling bruise pulls her head out of the clouds.
Relationships: Aiden/Katie Cooper (Alexa & Katie), Alexa Mendoza/Spencer, Katie Cooper & Alexa Mendoza
Comments: 11
Kudos: 2





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> **COMING SATURDAY MARCH 20TH**

“Yeah, I totally stayed zen when Dr. Breitweiser called and left a message for Alexa who still hasn’t called him back!” Lori shouted into the living room towards the two girls dressed in their green graduation caps and gowns. Katie’s smile dropped almost instantly as it felt like someone had injected ice water into her veins. Alexa sighed and stomped her heel, internally cursing her mother for ruining the nice moment. 

“My mom’s been so weird. My dad’s also weird, but like, a weirder weird,” Alexa started, eager to switch the topic away from Dr. Breitweiser. “They’re definitely gonna embarrass me at graduation.” Alexa slapped her hands to her sides as she stared at the wall with a blank look on her face. 

“Why did Dr. Breitwieser call you?” Katie asked, her brow furrowing as she looked her best friend in the eyes. 

“Who knows,” Alexa said, breaking eye contact with Katie and looking back down at her phone. She wanted one day of her life, especially this close to graduation, to not be about cancer. 

“You would… if you called him back,” Katie quipped, sarcastically flailing her arms around towards Alexa, seemingly trying to egg her on. 

“I’m sure it’s nothing…” Alexa started, trying not to let as much anxiety as she currently felt slip out in her voice. “And I haven’t had to see him in over a year anyway, so…” she trailed off, glancing over to the staircase as her dad and Spencer came down the stairs. 

Looking back on the conversation, Alexa would regret not calling back sooner.


	2. The Fundraiser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to open with a disclaimer and an apology. 96% of the dialogue in this chapter is taken straight from the episode Speaking of Cancer in Part 4, where this story also takes place. I’m very sorry that the first chapter seems to be my laziest, but I can assure you the chapters with dialogue taken straight from the episode are the longest and hardest ones I’ve written. Because the show is generally small, there are very few English transcripts out there meaning I have spent most of my time going through the episode myself and writing down what I hear and what the subtitles say. 
> 
> So, I’m sorry that the dialogue is nothing new in this chapter, but I think you’ll find Alexa’s inner monologues are definitely different from the show. Please enjoy, and if you’re willing leave kudos and comments.

***two weeks before***

Alexa stood around the table with her brother, dad, and mom as they stared down at the map of tomorrow night’s event. 

“Look, honey, listen. I’m really glad you agreed to speak. One of the best things you can do for these charities is having a survivor share their personal experience and it means a lot to me that you’re willing to share yours,” Lori says, putting an arm around Alexa and hugging her gently. Alexa nods and smiles up at her mom. 

“Well, Spencer’s given me a new outlook on dealing with cancer,” Alexa explains, breaking eye contact with her mom as a blush formed over her face. She loved Spencer dearly but talking about him so fondly with her mom made her feel weird. 

“So, how is your speech coming along?” Lori asked, sensing Alexa’s mood and changing the topic of conversation. Little did she know, however, Alexa would rather be talking about  _ anything  _ other than this speech. 

“Uh, so good! Yeah, they’re gonna give speeches about my speech,” Alexa said, gazing back at her mother and nodding. 

“Well, just in case you need some space to organize your thoughts, I bought you this,” Lori said, pulling out a notebook. Alexa noticed it was decorated with an image of the Eiffel Tower, with Paris written over the top in gold calligraphy. She took it quickly and smiled at her mom. 

“Oh wow, thank you!” Alexa said, turning the journal over in her hands and flipping through it quickly. She hoped that this would finally help her write that stupid speech. Lori reached up and rubbed Alexa’s back quickly before her phone started ringing from the couch. She excused herself quickly, leaving Dave and Alexa by the table. 

Alexa glanced down at the map of the event and put her finger on a booth that caught her attention. “Ohh, a mini basketball game! I know where I’ll be,” she said, watching over in the direction of her dad. “Dad, what about a little one on one? If I win, I get to drive your car for a week!”

Dave laughed and quickly agreed, allowing Alexa to elbow him lightly in the stomach before she moved away. “Hey, just know I’ll be the one winning!” He called after her, quickly going to see what Lucas was doing with the gift bags. 

\----

That night, Alexa sat in her room alone. Her pink comforter was drawn up around her as she stared down at the notebook in front of her. She felt like she had been studying it for ages, but the pages were still empty. She tapped her pen on the edge of the notebook angrily before slamming it shut and throwing it onto her nightstand. She reached over and turned off the light, pulling the small chain on the lamp a little too hard. She leaned back against the headboard and sighed, angry that she couldn’t come up with  _ something  _ to say about her own cancer struggles. 

Alexa tossed and turned for a few hours, the topic of her speech weighing heavily on her mind. By the time she was woken up the next morning by her alarm, she had only gotten a few hours of sleep. She was ready to get this stupid day over with. After a few good morning texts to Spencer and Katie, she begrudgingly got up and grabbed her outfit for the night. She strode to the bathroom as quickly as she could, eager to not let anyone else know she was awake. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to ask about that dumb speech. 

She closed and locked the bathroom door silently before she sat her clothes down on top of the closed toilet seat. She started the shower immediately after so no one would knock and try and talk to her. After the shower was started, she stripped down to her cami and pajama shorts before she began to brush her teeth. She combed through her hair quickly to get any tangles out before her shower. 

Once she was in the shower, she stood under the hot water as it cascaded around her. She tried her best not to think about the speech she still hadn’t written, but of course, thoughts of disappointing her mother flashed throughout her mind. She knew she had to write it, but the idea of being identified with cancer by a room full of strangers made her nauseous. She sighed as she sat down in the shower, careful to stay under the warm stream of water. 

“I had just finished 8th grade, and I was so excited to go to high school…” Alexa whispered to herself before wrinkling her nose up. “A few years ago, I was getting ready to start high school. I remember being so excited to begin high school with my best friend Katie…” 

Alexa trailed off again before sighing and leaning against the sidewall in the shower. Every possible way she had thought of starting her speech sounded stupid. She couldn’t explain why, she only knew it would never grab the attention of an entire audience. How was she supposed to speak about her cancer to a room full of strangers when she couldn’t even think about it by herself in the shower? 

She sighed for the millionth time that morning and took a few deep breaths. She tugged herself up from the shower floor and began to shampoo her hair. 

“Let’s just get through this shit show, Alexa,” she whispered to herself. 

\----

Alexa didn’t want to be here. She knew that from the moment she woke up this morning. It would have been fine if she didn’t reassure her mom on the ride over that she would indeed be giving a speech tonight. She had an out, and she was furious with herself for not taking it. 

She wandered throughout the tent and offered help wherever she figured she could give it but was shot down every time. Her mom hadn’t given her a job like she had Lucas, assuming the speech would be enough to keep her busy. Alexa wished that her mom had given her another job. She’d take anything to get her mind off of the speech. 

She took a bottle of water from one of the tables, remembering how she hadn’t eaten at all that day. She downed half of it quickly before she sat it with the rest of her family’s drinks on a table and skipped over to her mom. 

“Mom, this event is amazing. I didn’t know a tent could look this amazing!” Alexa said, smiling up at her mom. 

“I know right! I would go camping if all tents came with chefs and such flattering lighting!” Lori said, making Alexa chuckle. “Hey, I have a couple of minutes if you want to go over your speech,” she offered. She wanted to make sure Alexa knew she could come to her if she had any issues with her speech at all. 

“Oh, I’ll be fine,” Alexa said, quickly brushing off the offer of help. “You know, it’s my story. I know it well. I’m just gonna go look around a bit.” 

“Okay,” Lori said, watching as her daughter quickly turned and rushed off. She laughed as Alexa skipped a couple of times, delighted that her daughter seemed content with giving a speech tonight still. 

Alexa, now outside of the tent, quickly set her eyes on the Wired cart. She walked over to it as quickly as she could, journal in hand. “Hey! Wired 2.0!”

“Oh! That’s what I said!” Katie exclaimed, turning around to greet her friend. Alexa smiled at her friend's antics and quickly deposited the journal in a random drawer. “Don’t you, uh, need that for your speech?” 

Alexa inwardly rolled her eyes and groaned. If one more person brings up her speech tonight aside from her mother, she may punch them in the stomach. “Oh, that’s not for a couple of hours,” Alexa explained, waving her hand as if she was brushing away Katie’s concern. “So, I have plenty of time to win you a laptop!”

“What?” Katie asked breathlessly. 

“Mm-hm. It’s one of the raffle prizes. So, all the tickets I win are going straight into the bowl for the laptop. And with any luck ‘Atie’, you’ll be able to turn that ‘Ooper’ back into a ‘Cooper’,” Alexa joked, bringing up the many typos Katie always complained about in her dinosaur of a laptop giving her. 

“Wow, that would be amazing,” Katie said, smiling at the generosity of her best friend. Alexa hummed in agreement before striding away. She was eager to beat her dad and begin wracking up the tickets for Katie. 

Soon, Alexa and Dave were at the basketball booth, each taking turns taunting and laughing at each other’s jokes. 

“You know,” Dave said after a beat of silence. “I’m really proud of you.” 

“For what, crushing you?” Alexa said, quickly throwing another basketball into the hoop. 

“No, for speaking here tonight. A year ago you wouldn't have even come to this,” Dave explained, throwing a ball while sending a glance to his daughter. His ball rolled off the rim. 

“Oh, I’m trying. Talking to Spencer has helped,” she said, trying to think of a way to change the subject. “And you are clearly just trying to distract me! That’s pretty desperate!” 

Alexa throws another ball, driving it into the basket with ease. The game ends with Alexa winning as she jumps up and down and squeals. “Wow, that’s gotta sting. But you can cry about it… when I’m driving you home!” Alexa taunts, quickly taking her tickets and her dad’s tickets from the two men. “If it makes you feel any better, you helped win all these tickets for Katie. Well, not as many as I did.”

“Haha,” Dave said sarcastically. “Hey, let’s go grab some food and you can practice your speech.”

Alexa’s heart instantly jumped into her throat. She knew she couldn’t go with the usual teenager brush off of ‘oh, I’m not hungry.' Ever since she got cancer, she knew that would never work again. But, the truth was that she  _ wasn’t  _ hungry. 

“Yeah, we could,” she says, quickly formulating a plan in her mind. “Or, I could give you a chance to win your car back! Hm? You pick the game. What do you say?”

Dave is silent for a second, causing Alexa to worry he didn’t take the bait. 

“I say, let’s take it to the Clown Mouth!” Dave exclaims, trying to make himself appear scary. “That sounded way tougher in my head…” 

Dave turns around quickly and heads to the Clown Mouth, leaving Alexa alone for a moment. “I’m so gonna win!” she whispers to herself before turning and rushing off after her dad. 

About an hour and a half later, Alexa strolls back to the Wired cart with a ton of tickets and no speech. She arrives just as Katie is ranting to a customer about Aiden. The customer keeps trying to reach for his coffee, but Katie keeps moving it away as she talks. About ten seconds too long into the rant, Alexa takes the coffee from Katie and hands it to the customer. “Here you go, have a nice night!” 

Alexa turns back around to face Katie, whose face is red. “Is everything okay over here?” 

“Yeah, just annoyed that Aiden’s off playing Skee-Ball while we are slammed with customers,” Katie said, gesturing at nobody. 

“Oh, well good. Because I thought maybe it was because of that girl,” Alexa says, nodding in the direction of Aiden talking with the girl running the Skee-Ball booth. 

Katie scoffed and rolled her eyes, scanning menacingly at the girl. “Is there a girl? Wow, I didn’t even notice.”

Alexa knew Katie was trying to play it off like she didn’t know, but the way she was staring at the girl right now let Alexa in on the fact that she definitely did. 

“So you’re upset about what you didn’t notice?” Alexa asked, turning back around to her friend and raising an eyebrow. She noticed that Katie hesitated for entirely too long before blaring out an arbitrary excuse. 

“I’m upset because… feminism!” Katie yelled, immediately cringing as she realized how dumb she sounded. Alexa stared at her best friend in bewilderment. “Mm. Mm-mm,” Katie says, shaking her head and looking everywhere  _ but  _ in Alexa’s eyes. “I don’t know. I guess it bothers me that it bothers me. I mean, Aiden? I was not expecting that.”

“Yeah, I’ve been expecting it for a while,” Alexa said, nodding her head at her statement. Katie groans and hunches over, placing her hands on her knees. 

“Now I feel ridiculous,” Katie says, standing back up and shaking her head again. 

“Hey, you are not ridiculous. He’s ridiculous. And forget about him. You wanna hear some good news? After kicking my dad’s butt, we won you these!” Alexa exclaimed, pulling out the neon yellow tickets from her pocket and handing them over to Katie. “I just wish it was more. I really want you to win.”

“Are you kidding me? Come here. You’re the best,” Katie said, pulling Alexa into a hug. She noticed that Alexa had lost a little weight recently, her shoulder blades seemed more prominent than she could remember. She decided to file that information away for later. “I just hope you didn’t spend too much time winning me raffle tickets that you didn’t get to work on your speech!” 

Alexa watched as Katie leaned over to the drawer and pulled out that stupid little notebook and handed it back to her. Alexa noticed how heavy the object seemed now that the speech was getting closer and closer. 

“Oh, I don’t need to work on it. So why don’t you go win your laptop and I’ll see you inside,” Alexa said, trying to get Katie out of the area before she had a panic attack over a stupid speech about stupid cancer. 

“Okay, you’re gonna do so great. I’m so proud of you,” Katie said, taking off her apron and closing the booth before proceeding inside to enter the raffle tickets. Alexa sighed as she stood alone at the booth.  _ Why was everyone saying that tonight?! _

Alexa walked over to the Skee-Ball booth, standing by the outdoor furniture that was placed there. Nearly everyone else had made their way inside the tent. She’d been pacing back and forth for nearly five minutes before she stopped and held the journal up to her forehead, trying so hard to think of something to write down. 

“Oh. Hey. There you are. It’s almost time for your speech!” Alexa heard her mom say as she approached. Alexa stopped breathing for a second before looking down at the journal. 

“Yup. Yep. Uh, almost there. I just need another word for…” she trailed off, unable to keep up with her lie anymore. She shakes her head and plops down on the couch suddenly. Lori almost jumps forward to catch her before she notices that Alexa is still conscious and fine. “I can’t do it.” 

Lori joins her daughter on the couch and puts a comforting hand on her back, beginning to rub it. “I’m sorry, mom. I really thought I was ready. I wanted to be. But there’s just a part of me that still can’t stand being identified with cancer.” 

There’s a beat of silence and Alexa immediately regrets how deeply she’d messed up the night. “I don’t know why it’s so hard for me.”

“Because it  _ is  _ so hard. Sweetie, there’s no right way to process all of this. I would never want to push you into something you’re not ready for,” Lori explains, hugging her arm around the girl. 

“Everyone was so proud of me,” Alexa whispered, leaning into her mother. “I’m sorry I let you down.” 

Lori pulled away quickly to look at her daughter. She was shocked at the statement. Never once in the years since Alexa was diagnosed has she even gotten close to letting her mother down. The low grades and the ruined sweaters and the town sign didn’t even come close to letting her down after everything Alexa went through. “Hey, you have never let me down. I’ll just give the speech myself.” 

“But you haven’t prepared anything,” Alexa argued lightly. 

“Well, it’s my story too. I’ll know what to say,” Lori amends, hugging her daughter to her again. They sat like that for a few moments before Lori pulled apart and stood up, holding her hand out for her daughter to take. The two stepped into the tent. 

Alexa stood by the stage as her mother went on. There’s a beat of silence from her mom before she adjusted the mic. The audience quickly settled down and turned to the stage. 

“Hello. I’m Lori Mendoza, the organizer for tonight's fundraiser benefiting stand up to cancer,” Lori begins, letting the audience applaud for a moment before continuing. “I jumped at the chance to plan this fundraiser because it's a cause that’s very near and dear to my family. I am the mother of a cancer survivor. And, I’ve been trying to think of how to describe what that experience has been like. And the only word I could come up with is… unimaginable.” 

_ Alexa sits on a sticky plastic chair in the doctor’s office. She had blood drawn a few days ago because of the heavy fatigue she had been experiencing the last few weeks of her 8th-grade year. Her mom had assumed it was her period being too heavy, leading to anemia, but she could never have imagined the true answer.  _

_ “Mrs. Mendoza. I’m so sorry for what I’m about to tell you,” the doctor began, sitting on a rolling stool in front of the two females. “We did a blood test on Alexa the other day as you know. The results aren’t what we looked forward to seeing. It seems she has an abnormal level of white blood cells as well as not enough red blood cells.”  _

_ “Okay? What does that mean? Is it not anemia?’ Lori asked, wringing her hands together and scooting onto the edge of her chair.  _

_ “Mrs. Mendoza, there are other tests we still have to perform… but it looks like your daughter has leukemia.” _

_ Lori’s world froze.  _

Alexa felt tears forming in her eyes as she watched her mother. “When I look back, I, um, you know I had days where I was scared. I had days when I was mad. I thought maybe I couldn’t be strong enough for my daughter or for myself.” This is what finally choked Alexa up completely. She knew that the chemo had been hell on herself, but she never realized what witnessing her go through it had done to her parents. 

_ Alexa had never felt this bad in her life. She was convinced this was the worst thing she had gone through ever. She’d been awake for almost five minutes but couldn’t seem to find the energy to peel her eyes open. She was worried if she did, she would throw up for what would have been the billionth time that day.  _

_ “I don’t know what to do, Dave,” her mom whispered. Obviously, she wasn’t aware that Alexa was awake. “What are we going to do?”  _

_ “We’re going to get through this together, as a family. We’re going to be okay,” Dave said.  _

_ The sound of her parents' voices lulled her to sleep.  _

“But whatever I was feeling, it was only a fraction of what my daughter was going through. She’s here tonight, and I could not be more grateful. So I stand up to cancer for my daughter, Alexa.” 

There’s a beat of silence and brief applause before her dad stands up. Alexa’s eyes well up with more tears, and she blinks quickly to try and get them to go away. 

“I stand up to cancer so that other families won’t have to go through what we did,” Dave says, his voice wavering slightly. Alexa swallows. 

_ Alexa wanted to punch Katie. She knew how unfair it sounded in her head, but the bubbly blonde was shaking her so much she was sure she was going to throw up. Katie was ranting about something in some magazine, and the level of her voice kept getting louder. “Katie, please,” Alexa whispered suddenly, instantly shutting the girl up. Alexa breathed deeply and tried her best to will nausea away, but she couldn’t any longer.  _

_ In a startlingly swift move, Alexa jumped up and grabbed the trashcan placed at her bedside quickly, narrowly being able to toss her hair back before she threw up. She noticed Katie jumping from the bed and heard her run to the bedroom door, but she wasn’t sure what she was doing until she sensed her mother sat down next to her. Lori grabbed Alexa’s hair in one hand and the trash can in the other while Dave came around the other side of Alexa to support her. By the time it was over, tears were streaming down Lori’s face as well as Alexa’s. _

“For my sister, for my parents, I stand up to cancer,” Lucas says next, standing up with Dave. Alexa teased him a lot, and vise versa, but her heart swelled with love for her older brother. 

_ Lucas sat in the chair next to Alexa’s bedside at the hospital, not even being able to complain in his head about how early it was and how uncomfortable the chair was. It was only 7 AM on a Saturday, but Dave had woken the boy up early to get to the hospital as soon as visiting hours started. His mom and dad were out in the hall talking to Alexa’s doctors as he sat and stared at his baby sister.  _

_ “Come here,” Alexa whispered, startling Lucas out of his thoughts. He didn’t move, convinced he was hearing things as he stared at his sister’s mouth to see if she said anything else. “Come here, you idiot,” she whispered again, scooting over in bed slightly.  _

_ “Are you sure? I don’t wanna…” he trailed off, eyeing her IV pole. Alexa sighed and opened her eyes before grabbing the tubing leading to her port and tossing it up over her head.  _

_ “Come here,” she repeated for the third time, this time looking up at her brother. Lucas complied and climbed into bed next to her, the two gently rustling blankets around to get comfy. “I know those chairs suck.” _

_ Alexa leaned her head over to put it on her brother’s shoulder and Lucas followed suit, placing his head gently against hers. The two drowsy teens fell asleep by the time their parents got back into the room.  _

Subsequently, Katie stood. “I stand up to cancer because no one should ever have to think about losing their best friend,” she said. Alexa could hear the tears in her voice, and at that exact moment, Alexa knew what she had to do. 

_ Katie sat at the dining room table with her mother, Dave, and Lori. Her heart was racing in her chest at the worried expressions on the three adults' faces. “Katie,” began Jennifer. “We have to talk to you about Alexa.” _

_ “You’re not moving, are you? Because I can’t start high school without Alexa!” Katie shouted, unaware of the sadness this brought to her friend's parents. Later that same week she would apologize about a million times to the Mendoza’s for her choice of words.  _

_ Dave and Lori smiled sadly before Lori reached over and grabbed Katie’s hand. “Honey, Alexa’s very sick. She has something called acute lymphocytic leukemia. It’s a form of cancer…” _

_ Katie’s world was turned upside-down in less than two minutes.  _

Before she could move, Jennifer stood up. “We stand up to cancer for the entire Mendoza family,” she said, hugging Jack to her who nodded. 

_ Jennifer had been friends with both Lori and Dave for years. Lori and Jennifer were friends first before Dave came along, but when he finally did the three were peas in a pod.  _

_ “If there is absolutely anything I can do for you guys, let me know immediately. I don’t care what time it is or what I’m doing,” Jennifer said. The family had just gotten home from the hospital the day of Alexa’s diagnosis and had relayed the news to Dave and Lucas before asking Jennifer to come over.  _

_ “She’s the daughter of the strongest woman I know,” Jennifer began, grabbing Lori’s hand and compelling the woman to look her in the eyes. “She’s going to be fine.”  _

Alexa took a deep breath and walked up the steps to the small stage. She smiled lightly at her mom and greeted her quickly before adjusting the mic. “Um, if it’s okay I’d like to say something.”

“Hi, I’m Alexa. I was supposed to speak tonight, but I couldn’t. Until I realized that having cancer isn’t just about me. It affects everyone in my life, especially my family and friends who stood up for me when I couldn’t stand up for myself.” 

Applause broke through the silence at the end of her speech, and she turned around to hug her mom. She had finally realized why Spencer was alright with people knowing and identifying him with cancer; it allowed his family to talk freely about it too. 

At that very moment, Alexa realized that it wasn’t just her battle, but her friends and family’s too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Graduation   
> Coming Saturday, March 27th


End file.
